Mike Harris made me eat my dog
he made me eat telephone poles
he made me eat a map of Moscow
he was there while i was waiting at a bus stop
i was about to talk to him
to walk right up and enter into a discussion
about the governing of Ontario
but then the bus came
and i opened my mouth
and the bus drove right in
and it was full of little people
told by the yellow signs to
move to the back
yes further please
still further
thank you the signs said
and a young man
who himself had just opened his mouth to a bus
began to feel the people moving back beyond his molars
back to where he had trouble flossing
and a few slipped on his wet tongue
and it was like Disney on Ice except there was no Goofy
and they made frantic calls to their lawyers
and then suddenly Goofy appeared sporting a fedora
and his nose
suddenly his nose was Ecuador
and i could see the imaginary line of the equator
arcing across the sky
and older sailors found inexperienced sailors
and played tricks on them
read them poetry but left out the rhymes
and they all climbed up the outside of office buildings
and it was up to me to make the eulogy
and i began with a deck of cards
and i made a man out of chewing gum
and i stretched his minty arms around the legislature
and the bit that got caught in my hair i had to cut off
and while my fellow workers discussed the need for a small
woollen hat
some of us rolled up our trousers
and went swimming in the hat
and i discovered a handle sticking out of my left side
and i began to lift myself while singing 'i'm a little teapot'
realizing that i was probably more than a little teapot
and then a river began to flow from the right hand
that was my spout
and soon i was subject to erosion and seasonal flooding
and i began to wish that instead i was an estuary
and it was time for the six ducks to wibble wobble
onto some wallpaper in a child's room
the child's mother comes up the stairs just back from
her job as a street sign and she says
stop
