i sleep
i wake up
i throw back the covers
i stand on the rug
take off my pajamas
i put on my clothes
go to the bathroom
i brush then floss my teeth
even the gold ones

looking at myself in the mirror
i am looking at myself in the mirror
i go downstairs
make toast
i look out the window

i am ready to speak
the feelings are ready
the feelings that i have had
all night
before bed
in dreams
the day before
all my life
these feelings
they have depth
also, i imagine
they have a kind of width
they could not be pushed over
without great effort
and even then
they would exist
on their side:

true deep feelings
on their side
i open my mouth
i speak
damn
that is not what i meant to say
i try again
these are not the wide feelings that i have
that i have had
last night
in my dreams
the day before
the feelings that are always with me
that you could tie kites to
army tanks
fill with plastic explosives and ignite
and still they would not go away

i spread jam on my toast
eat the toast
wipe my face with a cloth
a gift from my parents
a cloth embroidered with elephants
and here i am
wiping my face with it
wiping a little row of elephants
across my face
but this is not what i am trying to say
i have feelings

i put on my coat
pick up my keys
i go out the door
walk down the driveway
i unlock the car
open the door, climb in

i select a key from the keyring
put it in the ignition
i turn it
start the car
pull onto the street
make a few turns
take a ramp to the highway
i pull into the left lane
open the window
wind rakes my hair

suddenly there is an Eastern Orthodox church before me
i grip the steering wheel
maintain my direction

i leave a trail of snail-like slime
as i disappear
into the womb of my mother