| Over | |
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| (Otter turns on the light. She pauses, listening. Mann, oblivious, continues to read the dictionary.) | |
| OTTER: | Doesn’t the buzz of the refrigerator bother you? |
| MANN: | What? |
| OTTER: | Buzz, buzz, buzz, all day long. |
| MANN: | ‘Buzz, buzz, buzz, all day long’? |
| OTTER: | Buzzaporoids. Buzzulo. Buzzoinkidity-doink … |
| MANN: | What? |
| OTTER: | Buzza buzza buzza buzza buzza buzza buzza. Buzza buzza buzza buzza buzza buzza buzza. Does it? Does it bug ya? Does it bug ya? |
| MANN: | (earnestly) I’m sorry, what is your problem? |
| OTTER: | Problem? Schmoblem. |
| MANN: | So … no problem. |
| OTTER: | Not unless you have a problem with the perpetual, never-ending buzzing buzzing buzzing of the refrigerator. |
| MANN: | What’s wrong with the refrigerator now, for Christ’s sake? |
| OTTER: | Nothing that a brain transplant couldn’t fix. |
| MANN: | Oh yeah. (resumes reading) |
| (pause) | |
| MANN: | (looks up from the dictionary, noticing something for the first time, tries to locate source, can’t find it) What is that Jesus noise? |
| OTTER: | What noise? |
| MANN: | I don’t know, it’s, um, it sounds like it’s coming from outside. |
| OTTER: | (earnestly) Outside of your head? |
| MANN: | Outside of the house. |
| OTTER: | Outside of the house?! |
| MANN: | It’s nothing, a mild whining sound! |
| OTTER: | A puppy? |
| MANN: | No, it’s distinctly electrical in nature. |
| OTTER: | The streetcleaner. |
| MANN: | Smaller. |
| OTTER: | A Rotorooter. |
| MANN: | Those goddamn things are manual. |
| OTTER: | An electric Rotorooter. |
| MANN: | No. |
| OTTER: | An electric whippersnipper, an electric blender, an electric blanket, an electric handgun pointed at your big fat pustulent – |
| MANN: | I think it’s that goddamn refrigerator. |
| OTTER: | Which refrigerator? |
| MANN: | Our goddamn refrigerator. |
| OTTER: | You put our goddamn refrigerator outside?! |
| MANN: | No, I didn’t! |
| OTTER: | Well, I didn’t. |
| MANN: | What are you talking about? The refrigerator is not outside, it’s in the kitchen, where it belongs! |
| OTTER: | Then what in the Holy Jesus name of Christ is whining outside?! |
| MANN: | Nothing! I misheard. My ears are faulty. Forgive me. Or no, maybe … um … do you hear anything? |
| OTTER: | I hear you clearly. |
| MANN: | Do you hear this whining sound? |
| OTTER: | ‘This’ whining sound? Which whining sound? I hear any number of whining sounds. |
| MANN: | It’s a particular one I’m after. |
| OTTER: | A whining sound. |
| MANN: | Yeah. |
| OTTER: | A whining and dining sound? |
| MANN: | No, just a whining sound. |
| OTTER: | I hear the whining of a distant dog. |
| MANN: | That dog’s always whining. |
| OTTER: | And I can always hear it. |
| MANN: | This is something new. |
| OTTER: | And unusual. |
| MANN: | Yes. There’s the whining of a distant dog – |
| OTTER: | And then there’s the buzzing of the refrigerator. |
| MANN: | It IS the refrigerator!! It’s loud! Goddamn refrigerator. It’s annoying. It’s got me on the edge of my seat. |
| OTTER: | Unplug it. |
| MANN: | Could, could do that. |
| OTTER: | The peanut butter would be easier to spread. |
| MANN: | I’ll take that into account. |
| OTTER: | And that’s all that’s in there. |
| MANN: | And ice. |
| OTTER: | Ice in the freezer and peanut butter below in the fridge proper. And that’s all that’s in there. |
| MANN: | I saw two packs of garlic and a clove of ketchup in one of the two drawers. |
| OTTER: | All that buzzing for ice, peanut butter, two packs of garlic and a clove of ketchup, because that’s all that’s in there … unplug it. |
| (Mann hesitates. Leaves. Re-enters. Sits.) | |
| MANN: | Done. (resumes reading, looks up) I can still hear it. |
| OTTER: | It’s just winding down. |
| MANN: | That’s not how fridges work. |
| OTTER: | How would you know? |
| MANN: | No, there’s something else. |
| OTTER: | Maybe it’s your pacemaker. |
| MANN: | (checks his head) My pacemaker’s fine. |
| OTTER: | Are you sure it’s outside of your head? |
| MANN: | I think I know the difference between an imagined sound and a real one. |
| OTTER: | That’s not what I meant. |
| MANN: | (using his finger to emphasize his point) Outside my head, inside my head. I know the difference. I know reality when I see it. |
| OTTER: | Maybe your ears are ringing from listening to yourself talk. |
| MANN: | Wait a minute. |
| OTTER: | What? |
| MANN: | My ears are ringing! It’s discordant as hell. |
| OTTER: | Maybe you’re out of tune. |
| MANN: | This could grow to torment me. |
| OTTER: | Try to enjoy it! |
| MANN: | How?! |
| OTTER: | Hum along. |
| MANN: | The melody’s not clear. |
| OTTER: | Hum the harmony! |
| MANN: | Otter! |
| OTTER: | Hum the harmony! |
| MANN: | Otter! |
| OTTER: | Hum the harmony! |
| MANN: | Otter! |
| OTTER: | I’m right here. |
| MANN: | The ringing in my ears. |
| OTTER: | What of it? |
| MANN: | It’s … it’s … it’s … professional. |
| OTTER: | Professional? |
| MANN: | Professional! It sounds like a choir. There’s a church in my head! It sounds like there’s a church in my head, there’s a church in my head! Oh my God!! Oh my God!! A church has gotten into my fucking head! There’s a church in my head! Help! Help! Help! |
| OTTER: | MANN!! |
| MANN: | I can’t concentrate! I can’t think! This noise! This harmony! This church! This choir! This Beethoven! |
| OTTER: | Beethoven?! |
| MANN: | It’s Beethoven! |
| OTTER: | Ludwig Van? |
| MANN: | Yes!! Oh yes!! Ludwig Van! Ludwig Van! |
| OTTER: | You look like you’re liking it! |
| MANN: | (starting to cry) I’m loving it! Oh my God, I’m loving it! |
| OTTER: | (pulls the dictionary out of Mann’s hands) Well, can you love it a little quieter? I’m trying to read a book. |
| MANN: | I’M HEARING BEETHOVEN! |
| (The dictionary leaps out of Otter’s hands.) | |
| OTTER: | What the – ! |
| MANN: | It stopped. |
| OTTER: | Your goddamn book jumped clear out of my hands. |
| MANN: | It’s not mine, it’s the library’s. |
| OTTER: | Ownership aside, for God’s sake, it leapt like a catamaran out of my paws. |
| MANN: | Of its own volition? |
| OTTER: | I have every reason to suspect so. |
| MANN: | At the exact same moment Beethoven stopped playing. |
| OTTER: | Beethoven, the music, or the man? |
| MANN: | The music. (with amazement) Maybe the man! |
| OTTER: | Beethoven, he himself?! |
| MANN: | Could’ve been, could’ve been. Was the music, could’ve been the man, but frankly what’s leaving me perplexed … is this book. |
| OTTER: | It seemed to pulse and then leap. |
| MANN: | It pulsed. |
| OTTER: | Then leapt. |
| MANN: | Like a monkey. |
| OTTER: | Exactly like a monkey. |
| MANN: | Funky. |
| OTTER: | What? |
| MANN: | Funky. |
| OTTER: | Funky?! |
| MANN: | I said ‘funky’. |
| OTTER: | I heard the word, I just missed the gist. |
| MANN: | Oh, then I’ll explain. I’d call such an occurrence ‘funky’. |
| OTTER: | Funky. |
| MANN: | As in ‘leaving me in a funk’. |
| OTTER: | You’re in a funk. |
| MANN: | I feel funked by the whole thing. |
| OTTER: | Are you sure your use of the word ‘funk’ is correct? |
| MANN: | Look it up. |
| OTTER: | (goes to the book with caution, picks it up, opens it, then becomes frightened) I opened the book to the very page. |
| MANN: | (even more frightened) Mere coincidence. |
| OTTER: | ‘Funk: a state of paralyzed fear, panic.’ |
| MANN: | (becomes utterly relaxed) That about describes me. |
| OTTER: | You look relaxed. |
| MANN: | Don’t judge a book by its cover. |
| OTTER: | Or by its pulsing cover. |
| MANN: | Either. (which he pronounces ‘I-ther’) |
| OTTER: | Either. (which she pronounces ‘E-ther’) |
| MANN: | You see, I know something’s wrong, I just don’t know what. |
| OTTER: | Coincidentally, I’m feeling the same way. |
| (pause) | |
| OTTER: | (growing quietly alarmed) Hey. |
| MANN: | What? |
| OTTER: | I just peed my pants a little. |
| MANN: | It’s called … incontinence. |
| OTTER: | I’m not incontinent! I’m too young! |
| (pause) | |
| MANN: | (growing alarmed) Hey. |
| OTTER: | What? |
| MANN: | I just peed my pants a little too. |
| OTTER: | I’m told it’s called … incontinence. |
| (They sit confused for a moment, then together tentatively turn out the light.) |