WE BUY THE LOUISIANA TERRITORY

New Orleans at this time (1800) belonged to Spain. At the close of the French and Indian war, France gave the city of New Orleans to Spain, since Spain had been her ally. The Spanish had some asshole consulate there who wore paper epaulettes on his shoulders and drank Dutch chocolate milk through a straw. He was sitting around his office one day with his feet up on the desk, cleaning his nails with a small stainless steel file.

"Bonito," he said to the empty room. "Bonito, Bonito, Bonito." The fat consulate stood up and moved to the window. The curtains moved in the breeze. "Bonito, my friend - and we are friends, verdad?" turns around raising eyebrows. "You still owe me six bucks for that fur trapper we rolled last week." He spins around. "You what!? You say you went to a brothel with that money?" The consulate paces nervously glancing at nonexistent Bonito. "Ahem, I see. Well, now, my friend, tell me what you did with the money this night in the Brothel you speak of." The fat Spaniard loosens his tie. He is sweating. "And then you . . . yes, yes, yes . . ."

Soon New Orleans changed hands again. She became the property of France. President Jefferson knew that France needed money to carry on its wars, so he sent Robert Livingston and James Monroe to France and they bought the Louisiana Territory.