WORLD WAR 1
"Wextre, wextre, read all about it! Germans sink Lusitania! Read all about it! Wextre!"
The British ship goes down in oily swirl of cheekbones and check-books. Rage! Apology from Germans yet more ships go down and soon we are in the war.
SCENE -- The trenches!
Doughboys with shittyasses and crabs wait in chowline. Larry Reynolds from Oak Park, Michigan and Fred Hawkins from Los Angeles talk about sex and drinking as they wait for chow.
"Hey, Larry, how'd you like to have a quart of whiskey in one hand and a girl on each knee?"
"I'd like to have Gloria Swanson on my knee. I don't care right now about the whiskey."
"Haw, haw, haw. You'd show her some tricks, eh?" said Hawkins, and then to the cook in undershirt and tattoos bald head cig butt hang outta lip & big dirty spoon in hand: "Hey, Cookie, how about a little extra goober peas and some more spuds, eh?"
"Get movin', ya bum!"
"Aw, Cookie, don't get so upset!"
The soldiers laugh and tease the mess sargeant and made cheap remarks about his cooking.
"Youse guys don't know how lucky ya are," he retorts. "Why I hear the Kaiser's serving his men the Duchess's hindquarter."
"Well you musta stole some from him and put it in this crud!"
Later that night Reynolds and Hawkins are playing cards with three other soldiers. They are in a trench encampment. Men are asleep around the bunks lining the walls of the room. A naked bulb hangs above the card players. When artillery lands outside, the bulb shakes.
"Who dealt this mess?" asks Reynolds.
"Go bag your ass, soldier!" said corporal with gray face.
"Your old grandmother must've dealt this."
"Just play your card for Christsake!"
"Jesus," said Hawkins, "this war's getting to me." He paws his crotch lovingly and moves in chair nervous & uncomfortable.
The men laugh & Hawkins scoffs and looks down at his cards. A new man in his bunk starts to scream in his sleep and the men tell him to shut up. Someone shakes him and the man moans & is sweating and then he's all right.
"Goddamn fucking babies will see what it's all about when they finally go over the top!" says the corporal with the gray face.
"Six of spades," says a man discarding.
"The foist thing I'm gonna do when this mess is over is to find me a pretty strumpet in Paris and stay in bed for a Goddamn week! Shit, maybe more. I just might stay there forever."
"Saddup an' discard!"
A bomb lands near the trenches and dirt falls through the ceiling and the light bulb bounces around make weird jumpy shadows on the men.
"Ya know," says Reynolds, "I heard about some guy over in Charley Company who caught flies and stuck them in a tobacco sack & tied the sack around his cock."
The men all laugh. They are playing cards. This is the planet Earth.
"I could fuck that new kid if I had to," said one of the men. "I can wait, though. I got a girl in Paris."
"I can imagine what she looks like."
"I don't see you having any girl to go to, soldier!"
"Oh, temper, temper, there...."
"Quit the arguing," said one of the men. "We'll all have some girls when this mess is over."
"I might have a big house in France and have you guys over for wine and prostitutes."
"You'll buy the place with your shirt buttons, too."
"Aw, cripes, lemme have my dreams, will you?"
"Eight of hearts."
A soldier appears at the doorway. He's out of breath and has grease on his face.
"The Germans," he said, "are only...are only forty kilometers away. We'll have to move to C Fort by daybreak. That's an order from Major Tom." The soldier handed the paper to the gray-faced corporal.
"Well, that means we have eight hours, soldier. What are you so Goddamned excited about?"
"I'm sorry, sir."
"Don't be sorry. Get yourself some coffee and tell Cookie to put a little brandy in it for you. You're all right."
"Thank you, sir."
The soldier salutes and leaves the room.
"That kid looks like he just seen a ghost," said one of the men.
"He probably has. There's ghosts all over out there. If you don't believe me go outside and walk as far as he just did."
"Sorry, sir."
"Let's finish this Goddamn hand," said one of the men.